Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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