you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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