You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
