I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
