what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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