I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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