You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
