Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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