I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize