I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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