There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
