Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
