Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need water and some morals
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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