he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
