It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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