Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
