I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
