All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
