So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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