she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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