I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
