don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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