Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
