Got a toothbrush?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
