im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize