well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My liver just had a heart attack.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He shit in the fireplace
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
