I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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