I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
