yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize