She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
