guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
