Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
