If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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