Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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