Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I only lived at night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
