Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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