No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
