i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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