Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
