Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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