I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bring money and cleavage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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