so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
