I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
