All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The power of my boobs compel you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize