My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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