just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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