but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
