Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I deserve this hangover.
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