I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
