My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
