I hate your face
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
