dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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