saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who died my cat blue again?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
