I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You pole danced in your parka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
