im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
