you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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