Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
