So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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