he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
