im drinking this country out of the recession.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
