dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
