the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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