I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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