You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
