your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
