Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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