Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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