I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
