community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
